I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
