i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
high people should be assigned attendants
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
