You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
