You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
