I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
