The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
