Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
