hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
