I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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