Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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