i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
