Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
