WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
