Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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