I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
