All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it hurts more in the daytime
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
