Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
