I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she looked like the before picture.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
