You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
