just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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