I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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