How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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