Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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