Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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