In America we eat man semen.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
