a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize