all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize