Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
