so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
