her facebook's as public as her vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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