"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
