Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
