we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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