By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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