Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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