you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want to make out with him forever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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