Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
