found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize