Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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