how can u be prego again
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
