also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
