just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
