no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
