My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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