do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
