What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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