In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
