life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
