New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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