when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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