so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
