yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
