I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
