The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
