That's intense
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Shame - the story of my life.
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