someone threw a dead crab at me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
