just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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