I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
