Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
