Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
