You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
