i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
