Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
