I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
