I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
