i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
