I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
