Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
