Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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