Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
