i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
