The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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